Written by Guest Blogger Siljoy Maurer, MS, MSW, CHT, CMT
Being on the journey of fertility treatments often means encountering those torturous times when You might be very confused about what to do and how long to continue treatment … feelings of wanting to give up, maybe even paired with guilt for thinking that … the emotional roller coaster of hope and despair … ignorant comments of “the people who have children”… the medical voices at the doctor’s office and then the wishes of your partner… so what to do?
Most importantly, just as a reminder, there is no “right or wrong”. There is only what is true for You and your partner – You two get to decide, no one else!
“Giving up” is never a good place from which to stop. We usually relate it to being a victim – and even though You might have often or mostly felt like a victim of this unfair experience called “Infertility”, we have a much better chance to find peace inside when we feel empowered. So You need to make a decision, a conscious choice – either to continue fertility treatments, to pause them for a while, or to stop treatments and let your life take its course while giving your Self permission to grieve. Yes, even when You make the decision to stop, You have the right to grieve that You were not able to have a child!
In those wanting to give up moments – sense into whether You would possibly regret later that You did not continue. If there is a chance for later regret, it is not the right time to stop. And it is perfectly ok, to want to give up and honor that feeling – until it passes. And it will pass, unless You have a true knowing inside that it is time now to focus on accepting being without child and to grieve being either a childless woman or – like I consider myself now – an un-childed mother.
Well You could say: how do I get that true knowing? For some it feels like Divine guidance, for others it is a voice in their heart, gut or head. Some get help from a Mentor/expert in ‘Involuntary Childlessness’ (www.InvoluntaryChildless.com) like me or they see a counselor. For all, it helps to sense into “whether it strengthens or weakens You to continue treatments”. You might feel weakened financially, but overall strengthened in your big commitment to do all You can to have a child. For some it becomes clear that physically and emotionally the fertility treatments have become an unbearable drain on your health or your partnership.
It is often impossible to figure out whether something is “right or wrong, good or bad”. When You look at it from a very different, holistic perspective, and assess your situation in regards to how You are strengthened or weakened on each level (physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, financial, professional, social) and then in the “big picture”-perspective for your life, it often becomes clear. If You need help figuring it out – it is a sign of strength, not weakness to go get your guidance!
© Copyright 2012
Siljoy Maurer, MS, MSW, CHT, CMT is a Mentor & Healer with over 30 years professional and international experience. Her passion, gift and skill is to help people move beyond just “being ok” and into thriving, in whichever area of their lives they feel dissatisfied or are aware of un-lived, un-filled Potential. Check out her websites: www.HolisticPerspectives.com and www.InvoluntaryChildless.com
Siljoy was trained in holistic concepts decades ago in Europe and developed the “Holistic Mobile™” as the foundation of her holistic approach. She works worldwide by phone & skype and is also one of few experts in the world in enhancing and complementing fertility treatments and/or mentoring her clients into being at peace with their childlessness.
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