I found an old journal of mine I kept during my years of infertility. In fact, when I re-read the entries I recognize the pain I was feeling nine years after trying to build our family. I would like to share a couple of excerpts with you. You may get a better sense of why Fertility Within Reach was created, understand the passion that drives this organization and recognize the hope and joy which can evolve during the infertility journey.
“Disease, disease, disease, freak, diseased. I am angry that my body and mind are full of deformed, mutated genes that cause me mental and physical anguish. I feel like an abnormal freak. I am tired of being sad, depressed, infertile, embarrassed, frustrated, etc.” January 2003
“I thought about my desire to stab my empty womb. I am so angry with myself. How can I not blame myself? I wouldn’t really hurt myself like that. It’s the old remedy theory of having someone bleed so the bad stuff leaves them. I hate that my babies are in heaven and not in my arms. I am angry I’m so sad. I feel lost and that I’m going through the motions each day. When I read that someone has miscarried and has had fertility problems, I want to reach out to them.” October 2003
In 2005 I advocated for infertility health insurance coverage at the state and federal level. I didn’t want anyone to suffer like I was. I needed to find a purpose to all the pain I had been experiencing.
One year later I gave birth to my daughter. Then another pregnancy loss before the birth of my son two years after our daughter.
My advocacy work did not end because my dreams finally came true. It was the birth of a new dream. I joined the Board of Directors for Resolve of New England. I re- established and became Chairperson of their Advocacy Committee. I proposed a temporary employment opportunity which would allow me to advocate for infertility health insurance coverage. I became a registered lobbyist in the state of Massachusetts. The legislation I, and so many volunteers, worked for, passed. In the worst economic time in recent history, we were able to educate and convince the legislative and executive branch that there are cost savings associated with benefits for infertility treatment. After this accomplishment, I realized that anyone can achieve success. The formula is easy to follow. You just need to be given the recipe.
You must notice the change in tone from those old excerpts during my infertility journey to the way I talk about advocating for myself and others. I feel more than empowered; I feel powerful, purposeful, passionate, positive, strong, important, and alive.
For those facing challenges to their family building, I not only hope your desire to have a family comes true, I hope you feel powerful, purposeful, passionate, positive, strong, important and alive along the way.
Learn how to Empower Yourself.
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